"It is always easy to preach others "

My son is P5 now, one more year for PSLE. Almost all Singaporean parents know how stressful the year of PSLE would be. Mine has no exception. After I received his CA2 exam results, I found myself in almost panic state. Out of "parenting instinct", I started to call for tuition help.....

So you can image how disagreeable I was when my son told me that he had been selected into the school team and he would have needed "extra" training....Time, time, after Chinese tuition, Math and English tuition, he has only one afternoon "Free" time. I would rather him to rest than to do some "extra training."

All of sudden, all those parenting tips that I used to give to others floored back to myself, seemingly mocking at me, "Haha, it is always easy to preach to others."

We know, by the good wisdom of many parents, that it is good for children to play, they learn more by playing.....
(but not in the year 6, right?)

We know, by the good wisdom of many parents, that we should allow our children to follow his passion to make their own choices.....
(but not this time right?)

We know, by the good wisdom of many parents, that PSLE is
NOT the utmost goal to achieve....
(I bet that you don't want them to fail...hee hee

Well, now with my son's whole-hearted devotion to football, I feel powerless to practice what I preach :=(

Are we a forgiving society, or should we?

I was not aware of the Ms Ris Low saga until one day, my nine year old daughter asked me,"Mum, what is boomz?"

She was having dinner with her cousins, and they laughed and joked about that the whole dinner.

The whole episode did turn quite ugly, had brought some bitter taste of cruel reality. I cannot help but wondering,"Are we a forgiving society?"

Sure, Ms Low did her part wrongs, she should have brushed up her English; she should not have medical condition which mostly caused her to steal (??? I wonder); she should keep her mouth shut, as advised; she should be much sober, if she wants to be forgiven and forgotten her past....

However, the media easily forgot, she is anyway a 19 years old, what more for one to bear to be dragged down from the throne of glory into the mud of disgrace?

It was media to blow her up one day, then thumb her down another day...

Even after she was forced to resign from the title of Miss Singapore, the media still find "amusing" to report more on the court order "she,(Ms Low) is not allow to shop alone....and she must continue to seek medical treatment..."

At the second thought, I wonder "should our society be forgiving? to what a degree?"
Social sanction has been one of most effective deterrents to unwelcome behaviour, that is one of sociological facts. (HS101, reminds you, soci-students)

Should she, Ms Low, be treated that way only her and time will tell. I feel extremely sorry for her. I would like to give her a chance to live, to reach her dream, to changer her life.... but I, am not society.

That brings back a lot of memory of our good old Durkheim, "Does society make Ms Low that way? Will society be responsible for her future, whatever she may turn into?"

Wish you an eternal peace Durkheim, as we still seeking the answer.

My sincere wish to Ms Low is to do her part. She has to deal with her own sins. The "I don't care" attitude and vain goal of life has to be forsaken. I hope she will learn to seek some more inner meaning of life rather than to be "a shining star and center of attention" for some wrong reasons again.

From Today, Oct 7 Wednesday:

Ris Low ordered by court not to shop alone Channel NewsAsia - Wednesday, October 7Send IM Story Print

Ris Low ordered by court not to shop alone
SINGAPORE: Former Miss Singapore World Ris Low was back in court on Tuesday and ordered by a district judge not to go into a shopping mall unaccompanied by a family member.

In a review of her 24—month supervised probation, District Judge May Mesenas also reminded Ms Low to take her probation seriously.

It was revealed on Tuesday that Ms Low had to re—take her examinations at the Management Development Institute of Singapore after invigilators found revision notes in her pencil box in August.

Ms Low claimed that she had forgotten to remove them.

Her lawyer, Mr Sng Kheng Huat, assured the court that his client remained committed to serving her probation, and would undertake not to repeat the mistake.

The District Judge also told Ms Low, who stayed silent during the 10—minute hearing, to continue with her medical treatment and medication. The 19—year—old suffers from bipolar disorder.

On May 5, two months before she won the pageant, she pleaded guilty to five cheating and criminal misappropriation charges, with 60 other charges being taken into consideration.

Over two months last year, she had spent almost S$8,000 on items such as gold anklets, mobile phones, lingerie and meals in luxury restaurants using seven credit cards that did not belong to her.

Ms Low, who gave up her crown last month after the scandal over her conviction made the headlines, will appear at another probation review in three months’ time.

Ris Low Effects

The Straits Time
Sep 29, 2009
Ris Low gives up crown

"MISS Ris Low has resigned as Miss Singapore World 2009, days after her past conviction for credit card fraud was exposed.

The organiser of the local beauty pageant, ERM World Marketing, said in a statement on Tuesday afternoon she will no longer represent Singapore at Miss World 2009 in South Africa.

ERM said it will be interviewing a new representative to represent Singapore at Miss World 2009 in the coming days and will announce her shortly.

The organiser said it has met Ms Low and her parents and 'they have agreed to allow their daughter to resign from the crown as we feel is in the best interest for the Miss Singapore World Pageant and Singapore at large'.

'We are accepting her resignation,' said ERM.

On Ms Low's conviction in May and her bipolar disorder, ERM said there was no way of checking if a contestant has a criminal record or suffering from depression.

'Ris Low was determined, well behaved and performed well throughout the 2 month competition and even went on to win eight special awards. This is not easy task to accomplish from a group of 22 contestants. With her good performance and beauty, she excelled in the competition.'

On her command of English language, which has been criticised by the public, the organiser said: 'We felt that person who made fun of her on YouTube was malicious and did not do her justice. The video clip was presented in a way to ridicule her.

'The incident was a one-time interview which misled the Singapore public to believe she spoke English poorly. During the Grand Finals competition held at the Shangri La hotel on the July 31, she spoke perfectly good English, had a good answer (short, sharp and sweet) and performed very well to impress the 11 judges that she was good enough to win.

'So perhaps her spoken English could also be an effect from her Bipolar disorder.'

ERM said it felt sorry for Miss Low but added: 'We cannot compromise on our contest rules, regulations and the image of the Miss Singapore World Pageant.'

ERM, which broke its silence only on Monday said it did not give any comments earlier to the media and press because 'we were taken aback by this incident and we did not have any documentary evidence to justify the allegations and could be faced with legal implications later'.

'Ris Low committed this offence as a young offender, and we had to be sensitive to handle any comments delicately where a young offender is concerned. The treatment would be different if she was over 21 years of age,' it added.

'We would like to add that this is the first time in Singapore beauty pageant history that such an incident has occurred. We had to be careful with the approach.'

It was quite an uproar of recent Miss Low's Pageant crowing. What finally turned out was to resign from the crown. For a 19 years old girl, that was a harsh reality.

I do feel sorry for her and hope that she will learn some lesson from this event. In Singapore, at least for now, people still look more inside than outside.

Lee Wei Ling:Why I choose to remain single

by Lee Wei Ling

My father became prime minister in 1959, when I was just four years old. Inevitably, most people know me as Lee Kuan Yew’s daughter.

My every move, every word, is scrutinised and sometimes subject to criticism. One friend said I lived in a glass house. After my father’s recent comment on my lack of culinary skills, another observed: “You live in a house without any walls.” Fortunately, I am not easily embarrassed.

As long as my conscience is clear, what other people say of me does not bother me. Indeed, I am open about my life since the more I try to conceal from the public, the wilder the speculation becomes.

My father said of my mother two weeks ago: “My wife was...not a traditional wife. She was educated, a professional woman... We had Ah Mahs, reliable, professional, dependable. (My wife) came back every lunchtime to have lunch with the children.”

Actually, my mother was a traditional wife and mother. She was not traditional only in one respect: She was also a professional woman and, for many years, the family’s main breadwinner.

One of my mother’s proudest possessions is a gold pendant that my father commissioned for her.

He had a calligrapher engrave on the pendant the following characters: “xian qi liang mu” and “nei xian wai de”. The first four characters mean virtuous wife and caring mother.

The second four mean wise in looking after the family, virtuous in behaviour towards the outside world.

My mother lived her life around my father and, while we were young, around her children. I remember my mother protesting gently once about something my father had asked her to do. “It is a partnership, dear,” my father urged.

“But it is not an equal partnership,” my mother replied. The partnership may not have been exactly equal at particular points in time. But over the years, especially after my mother’s health deteriorated after she suffered a stroke, my father was the one who took care of her.

She clearly indicated she preferred my father’s care to that of the doctors’, in itself a revelation of the quality of his care.

He remembers her complicated regime of medications. Because she cannot see on the left side of her visual field, he sits on her left during meals. He prompts her to eat the food on the left side of her plate and picks up whatever food her left hand drops on the table.

I have always admired my father for his dedication to Singapore, his determination to do what is right, his courage in standing up to foreigners who try to tell us how to run our country.

But my father was also the eldest son in a typical Peranakan family. He cannot even crack a soft-boiled egg – such things not being expected of men, especially eldest sons, in Peranakan families.

But when my mother’s health deteriorated, he readily adjusted his lifestyle to accommodate her, took care of her medications and lived his life around her. I knew how much effort it took him to do all this, and I was surprised that he was able to make the effort.

If my parents have such a loving relationship, why then did I decide to remain single? Firstly, my mother set the bar too high for me.

I could not envisage being the kind of wife and mother she had been. Secondly, I am temperamentally similar to my father.

Indeed, he once said to me: “You have all my traits – but to such an exaggerated degree that they become a disadvantage in you.”

When my father made that pendant for my mother, he also commissioned one for me. But the words he chose for me were very different from those he chose for my mother.

On one side of my pendant was engraved “yang jing xu rui”, which means to conserve energy and build up strength. On the other side was engraved “chu lei ba cui”, which means to stand out and excel.

The latter was added just for completion. His main message was in the first phrase, telling me, in effect, not to be so intense about so many things in life.

I knew I could not live my life around a husband; nor would I want a husband to live his life around me. Of course, there are any number of variations in marital relationships between those extremes.

But there is always a need for spouses to change their behaviour or habits to suit each other. I have always been set in my ways and did not fancy changing my behaviour or lifestyle.

I had my first date when I was 21 years old. He was a doctor in the hospital ward I was posted to. We went out to a dinner party. I noted that the other guests were all rich socialites .

I dropped him like a hot potato. In 2005 , while on an African safari with a small group of friends, one of them, Professor C. N. Lee, listed the men who had tried to woo me. There were three besides the first.

Two were converted into friends and another, like the first, was dropped. I am now 54 years old and happily single. In addition to my nuclear family, I have a close circle of friends.

Most of my friends are men. But my reputation is such that their female partners would never consider me a threat. More than 10 years ago, when there was still a slim chance I might have got married, my father told me: “Your mother and I could be selfish and feel happy that you remain single and can look after us in our old age. But you will be lonely.”

I was not convinced. Better one person feeling lonely than two people miserable because they cannot adapt to each other, I figured. I do not regret my choice.

But I want to end with a warning to young men and women: What works for me may not work for others. Many years ago, a young single woman asked me about training in neurology in a top US hospital. I advised her to “grab the opportunity”.

She did and stayed away for eight years. She returned to Singapore in her late 30s and now worries that she may have missed her chance to get married. Fertility in women drops dramatically with age, and older mothers run the risk of having offspring with congenital abnormalities.

Recent studies show also that advanced paternal age is associated with an increased risk of neurodevelopmental disorders in offspring, such as autism and schizophrenia, not to mention dyslexia and a subtle reduction in intelligence.

Men can also suffer from diminished fertility with age although there is wide individual variation.

I would advise young men and women not to delay getting married and having children. I say this not to be politically correct.

I say it in all sincerity because I have enjoyed a happy family life as a daughter and a sister, and I see both my brothers enjoying their own families.

The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute.

This article was first published in The Straits Times.

I come to more and more like the writing of Lee Wei Ling. Singaporeans are not unfamiliar with her writings, which are frequently appearing on The Straits Time. I like her candidly and passionately told stories, some of most common experience for common people, but not common at all for daughter of Prime Minister of any other countries. It almost can feel, though serious and almost shy outlook, her determined heart and positive attitude to life, society and human mankind. If I have to name only one thing that SM Lee done well, this is he has a daughter like her.