Diary of a reformed elitist

For those who missed this article in the ST.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Probably the best ST Forum letter I've ever read
"I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

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Diary of a reformed elitist


I AM as Rafflesian/Raffles Girls' School (RGS)/'elite' as they come. My father was a Raffles Institution boy; I went through Raffles Girls' Primary School (RGPS), RGS, then Raffles Junior College , then on to the National University of Singapore, boarding at Raffles Hall.

My sisters went through much the same route. My little girls are in RGPS.

I recognise the syndrome Ms Sandra Leong talks about ('Scoring high in grades but not in values', last Saturday). I live it, breathe it. Most of my friends are like me, graduates. Most of us live in landed property, condominiums or minimally, executive condos or five-room flats. None of us talks about making ends meet, or how we must turn down medical treatment for our aged parents because we cannot find the money.

But I will add to her essay: that those traits, that aura is not unique to RGS girls. It resonates within a social group, and its aspirants, the well educated or well endowed. I hang out with so many, I have stories by the barrel.




- My doctor friend, non-RGS and one would even say anti-RGS, was shocked when she found out how many As I got in my A levels, since I opted to do an arts degree. In her words, 'I thought all arts people were dumb, that is why they go to arts'. Her own family boasts only doctors and lawyers - she said they would never contemplate any other profession - and by implication, all other professions are below those two.

- A church-mate who lived in a landed property in District 10 - definitely not an RGS girl, and I venture to guess, not even a graduate - once, in all sincerity and innocence, prayed for all those who had to take public transport and live in HDB flats, for God to give them strength to bear these trials.

- Another friend, also non-RGS and a non-graduate, shudders when she recounts the few months she lived in an HDB flat. And that was a five-room flat. Imagine the culture shock if she had lived in a three-room flat.
I continue to meet people who never visit hawker centres, who wonder why the poor people do not work harder to help themselves, who fret if their children do not get into the Gifted Education Programme (reserved for the top 1 per cent of nine-year-olds).
The pattern repeats itself in the next generation. When my 11-year-old had to go on a 'race' around Singapore, using only public transport, the teacher asked for a show of hands on how many had never taken public transport (bus and MRT) before. In a class of 30, five raised their hands. I think if the teacher had asked for those who had taken public transport fewer than 10 times in their young lives, the number would have more than doubled or tripled.
Many of us live in ivory towers. I know I did. I used to think Singapore was pretty much 'it' all - a fantastic meritocracy that allowed an 'HDB child' from a non-graduate family to make it. I boasted about our efficiency - 'you can emerge from your plane and be out in 10 minutes' - and so on.

It was not that I thought little of the rest of the world or other people; it was that I was so ensconced in my cocoon, I just thought little of anything outside my own zone. 'Snow? Yes, nice.' 'Starvation in Ethiopia ? Donate $50.' The wonders of the world we lived in, the sufferings and joys of those who shared this earth were just academic knowledge to me, voraciously devoured for my essays or to hold intelligent conversations at dinner parties.

Then I lived in China for seven years. I looked on in amazement as the skinny tree trunk in front of my yard blossomed and bore pomegranates when spring thawed the ground. And marvelled at the lands that spread east, west, north and south of me as we drove and drove and drove, and never ended. I became friends and fans of colleagues and other Chinese nationals, whom so many Singapore friends had warned me to be wary of.

I realised it was not the world and other people who were limited in their intellect, in their determination, in their resourcefulness; it was me and my world views which were limited. I also know full well that if I had stayed in Singapore , in my cushy job, comfortable in my Bukit Timah home, I would have remained the same - self-sufficient. I had always believed that if I put my mind to it, I could achieve anything. For example, I used to look at sick people and root: 'Fight with all your willpower, and you will recover.' And when they did not, I'd think they had failed themselves. I, like Ms Leong, believed 'mental dexterity equated strength of character and virtue'.

But those years in China taught me terrible lessons on loneliness. I learnt that money (an expatriate pay package) and brains (suitcases of books) did not make me happier than my maid who cycled home to her family every night in minus 20 deg C on icy roads to a dinner of rice and vegetables. The past few years, I have known devastating loss and grief so deep I woke up in the morning and wondered how the sun could still shine and people could go on with their lives.

And so perhaps I have learnt the humility I lacked. Humility about how small I am in the whole schema of things. About how helpless I truly stand, with my intellect in my hands, with my million-dollar roof over my head. To remember, in the darkest valleys of my journey, it was not Ayn Rand or other Booker list authors who lifted me, but the phone calls, the kindness of strangers, that made each day a little less bleak.

And perhaps finally, to really see other people, and understand - not deflect, nor reflect their anger and viewpoints, but see their shyness, pain, struggles, joys. Just because I was 'fortunate enough' to have trawled the bottom levels. And perhaps that is the antidote to the oft unwitting elitism so many of us carry with us.


Sim Soek Tien (Ms)

Good Neighbourhood

The place we live is like a mini United Nation. My neighbours are from all over the world. Besides those common nations such as US, Australia, UK, we also have neighbours from Egypt, Argentina, and Italy ... One thing in common is that they all have a big family. Children find it fascinating to play with others kids from different countries. We come to know so many wonderful neighbours from various cultures. That really makes our neighbourhood fun!

Being asked why they have chosen this condo, almost all of them mentioned the "size".

Surely, it is hard to find something ample enough to rise a family. The new condos are often as tiny as HDBs, (that is perhaps one area that Singapore determines to overtake her rival, HongKong). I just visited a newly launched property in District 9, "prestige, prime location, great investment" it claims, maybe, but the whole size is not even bigger than my bedroom....

The size alone shuns away many expats families, I am afraid.

Yet, as rental price is fluctuating with world economic state, many of expats are willing to accept local terms. To find a good neighbourhood is certainly more challenging nowadays.

If you happen to look for somewhere to stay for your family, http://property.st701.com/ is a place you should look at. But by the words of month, sometime you will get more..... Good luck!

"It is always easy to preach others "

My son is P5 now, one more year for PSLE. Almost all Singaporean parents know how stressful the year of PSLE would be. Mine has no exception. After I received his CA2 exam results, I found myself in almost panic state. Out of "parenting instinct", I started to call for tuition help.....

So you can image how disagreeable I was when my son told me that he had been selected into the school team and he would have needed "extra" training....Time, time, after Chinese tuition, Math and English tuition, he has only one afternoon "Free" time. I would rather him to rest than to do some "extra training."

All of sudden, all those parenting tips that I used to give to others floored back to myself, seemingly mocking at me, "Haha, it is always easy to preach to others."

We know, by the good wisdom of many parents, that it is good for children to play, they learn more by playing.....
(but not in the year 6, right?)

We know, by the good wisdom of many parents, that we should allow our children to follow his passion to make their own choices.....
(but not this time right?)

We know, by the good wisdom of many parents, that PSLE is
NOT the utmost goal to achieve....
(I bet that you don't want them to fail...hee hee

Well, now with my son's whole-hearted devotion to football, I feel powerless to practice what I preach :=(

Are we a forgiving society, or should we?

I was not aware of the Ms Ris Low saga until one day, my nine year old daughter asked me,"Mum, what is boomz?"

She was having dinner with her cousins, and they laughed and joked about that the whole dinner.

The whole episode did turn quite ugly, had brought some bitter taste of cruel reality. I cannot help but wondering,"Are we a forgiving society?"

Sure, Ms Low did her part wrongs, she should have brushed up her English; she should not have medical condition which mostly caused her to steal (??? I wonder); she should keep her mouth shut, as advised; she should be much sober, if she wants to be forgiven and forgotten her past....

However, the media easily forgot, she is anyway a 19 years old, what more for one to bear to be dragged down from the throne of glory into the mud of disgrace?

It was media to blow her up one day, then thumb her down another day...

Even after she was forced to resign from the title of Miss Singapore, the media still find "amusing" to report more on the court order "she,(Ms Low) is not allow to shop alone....and she must continue to seek medical treatment..."

At the second thought, I wonder "should our society be forgiving? to what a degree?"
Social sanction has been one of most effective deterrents to unwelcome behaviour, that is one of sociological facts. (HS101, reminds you, soci-students)

Should she, Ms Low, be treated that way only her and time will tell. I feel extremely sorry for her. I would like to give her a chance to live, to reach her dream, to changer her life.... but I, am not society.

That brings back a lot of memory of our good old Durkheim, "Does society make Ms Low that way? Will society be responsible for her future, whatever she may turn into?"

Wish you an eternal peace Durkheim, as we still seeking the answer.

My sincere wish to Ms Low is to do her part. She has to deal with her own sins. The "I don't care" attitude and vain goal of life has to be forsaken. I hope she will learn to seek some more inner meaning of life rather than to be "a shining star and center of attention" for some wrong reasons again.

From Today, Oct 7 Wednesday:

Ris Low ordered by court not to shop alone Channel NewsAsia - Wednesday, October 7Send IM Story Print

Ris Low ordered by court not to shop alone
SINGAPORE: Former Miss Singapore World Ris Low was back in court on Tuesday and ordered by a district judge not to go into a shopping mall unaccompanied by a family member.

In a review of her 24—month supervised probation, District Judge May Mesenas also reminded Ms Low to take her probation seriously.

It was revealed on Tuesday that Ms Low had to re—take her examinations at the Management Development Institute of Singapore after invigilators found revision notes in her pencil box in August.

Ms Low claimed that she had forgotten to remove them.

Her lawyer, Mr Sng Kheng Huat, assured the court that his client remained committed to serving her probation, and would undertake not to repeat the mistake.

The District Judge also told Ms Low, who stayed silent during the 10—minute hearing, to continue with her medical treatment and medication. The 19—year—old suffers from bipolar disorder.

On May 5, two months before she won the pageant, she pleaded guilty to five cheating and criminal misappropriation charges, with 60 other charges being taken into consideration.

Over two months last year, she had spent almost S$8,000 on items such as gold anklets, mobile phones, lingerie and meals in luxury restaurants using seven credit cards that did not belong to her.

Ms Low, who gave up her crown last month after the scandal over her conviction made the headlines, will appear at another probation review in three months’ time.